1. Accept that you want a relationship.

Be proud that you have reached the level of maturity where you know that a partner is what is appropriate for you.

2. Complete past relationships.

Forgive old hurts, and ask forgiveness where it is due.  Reviewing and intellectualizing what you think happened will not complete it. You will only get your perception of the relationship. Send a letter, make a phone call, or better yet, get face to face. Be generous with this. Remember that forgiveness and love live in the heart, not in the head.

3. Use the Intention Exercise.

On a piece of paper write I am intending to have ... and describe the relationship you desire. Capture the feelings, the qualities you want, not just in your partner, but in how you want to be in the relationship. Below this, write I want this because...and write all the reasons why you want this relationship. On the other side of the paper, write I know I will have this because ... and again write all that is true for you. Show this paper to no one, but keep it close to you and read it often.

4. Know that attracting a mate is the most natural thing in the world.

If you experience struggle or effort you are putting something in the way. Relax and let nature do what it wants to do!

5. Be the person you want to be in relationship with.

Cultivate in yourself the qualities you seek in a partner and do what it takes to develop that in yourself: classes, coaching, therapy, spiritual development, diet, exercise.

6. If what you are doing isn't working, do something else.

Get out of your rut. If you have been dating a lot, stay quiet for a while and get comfortable with yourself. If you are a homebody, get out, go on blind dates, join a dating service, answer and/or write a personal ad. Experiment and be willing to let the heavens know you will do what it takes.

7. Keep sex sacred.

Because it is. Sex is a sacred sign of your love and commitment to yourself and your mate.  A good sexual relationship can mask an otherwise poor relationship for up to three years. Do you have that kind of time to invest in smoke and mirrors?

8. Handle your inner conflicting voices that are sabotaging your relationships.

Take time alone to dialogue with those parts of yourself that are speaking from past fears, worries or hurts.  This is resolvable!

9. Practice having gratitude for the special someone who is coming into your life.

He/she already exists. Send energy to him/her for their getting ready for your relationship.

10. Open yourself to new viewpoints.

Read Getting To I Do by Dr. Patricia Alien;
How Not To Stay Single by Nita Tucker;
Sex,Love or Infatuation: How Can I Really Know by Ray E. Short;
any of the John Gray books.

Even if you don't agree with all of them, be willing to gain a new perspective.

Submitted by Susen Wallace, Starcoach @.9 olcom, LeQna Nunn, lbnunn@aolcom,
Jeaniie McLennan, MCALTC0Caol.com. We are coaches who work with men and women to have the lives and relationships they most desire.

Certified Male March 1998